No baby for us.. I am done. I cannot do this anymore.
Why does life have to hurt so much? I called an adoption agency (again) and much to my dismay, the extremely high cost has not changed and it appears to be an impossible option.
Bakannah would be 5 years old in 6 days and when she died I thought for sure by this time I would have another child and the pain would not be as extreme. Nope, it is killing me.
I have worked incredibly hard to lose all of this weight for nothing. I just have a whole new set of problems. I constantly fear gaining weight to the point of not wanting to eat anymore, at least when I was fat I was NOT scared of food. Plus I never even had obesity related infertility.
On a lighter note I passed all of my fall classes at Augustana regardless of my struggles, I pulled through. Unbelievable! I am so glad I stuck with it even when it seemed impossible.
I am just tired. Thanks for listening to me rant.
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