Garbage Pt. 2

Remember my last post when I touched below the surface and said what the rest of the world wishes I wouldn’t have?  You know, the one about Garbage.

Today I am going to go even further and talk about what can happen when you try to deal with the problem at hand.  I may even give you a few hints on how to conquer it.

Now that we are past the point of recognizing that the garbage needs to be taken out the next step is to actually implement a plan of attack.  This can get tricky.  Sometimes the people in your life like your garbage and will try to convince you that you need to keep it and maybe paint it a different color.  Mold can still grow on the color purple folks.  Even if you choose green it will still eventually start to reek.  You and ONLY you can decide whether or not your garbage can truly be salvaged.  Do not let anyone make you feel bad that it’s only future home is going to be the landfill.

Once you have decided where your garbage is going the next task at hand is to figure out how you are going to get it there.  Do you need to create a support team?  Is an accountability partner an option for you?  Does someone else need to be protected too?  Sometimes it is hard to see but our children can smell the garbage long before we can see it and many times they do not have the words to get help like we do.  Make sure all of their bases are safe too.  If we leave them out of the equation we will never hit this ball out of the park.

The plan is in place, you have your bucket full of confidence and you are just sure that you can overcome any obstacle.  You think that there is no way this can get any harder than the last few steps you have taken.  I am here to tell you that it can and you need to have your shield ready for when it does.  Garbage needs to be removed in layers.  It cannot all happen in one day.  Maybe today you will go buy some sturdy bags.  Or perhaps you will get a broom that can tackle the biggest piles of dirt.  When it comes down to brass tax, however, you will realize about half way through you become exhausted.  It feels like the garbage is procreating right in front of you faster than you can scoop it into a canister.  This is when you call upon your team. Tell them to bring bags. And smelly spray.  Let go of your shame.  Warn them ahead of time that this is the hardest thing you have ever done and to be sensitive.  Express that you are embarrassed, accept their hugs, cry, and then remember to actually breath.  When you calm down and pick yourself back up you will notice that the pile is getting smaller and more manageable.  Much less daunting and scary.

Never ever forget your team.  And remember, we all have blessings and struggles at different times.  The people that you have called upon will someday need you to help them take out their garbage as well.  When you get that call, grab up your extra bags and your bins and high tail it over there. Who knows? Once you arrive you may notice their garbage has become so moldy that it has grown its own pair of legs and is ready to take everyone down to their knees. 

Be. Ready.  Because heavens knows there is no way you can let the garbage do the same damage that it had done before.  You are ready this time around. 

You've got this. Your strength is immeasurable. If you don't believe me just ask God. He has been there all along. And he loves you more than you can ever fathom. 


P.S. These pictures were taken AFTER 12 car loads of garbage had been taken to the dump. This made me tired. This messed up garage was the story of how bad it had been for way. too. long.

Garbage.

I want to touch on a little issue that all people have and we know it but we spend most of our time trying to hide it.

Garbage.

You know what I am talking about. The stuff we hurry up and shove in a closet when we find out someone is coming over and they are 5 minutes away.  We might even spray febreze so that the lingering odor from it does not give us away when it comes wafting out of the closet at our unsuspecting guests.

But lets take this one level deeper.  What about the garbage of our life that is not so superficial?  What about the abuse that has been taking place for years.  Or the addiction that has been swept under the rug.  Maybe it is a secret that we just cannot keep anymore because it is eating us up from the inside out.

That Garbage.  That is the garbage I am wanting to take to the landfill today.  The kind that should have been there BEFORE it got moldy.  The last few months of my life have not been easy.  I have had to make decisions that no mother/wife wants to have to make and yet. I have.  As I was emptying out the garage today I was realizing how much it had been building up over the years and also how exhausting and freeing it was to just. Get. It. Out. 

I have rescued my daughter and I from a relationship that was going to take my life and would show her how woman never deserve to be treated.  I am not saying everything is fixed and that hurdles will never spontaneously land in front of us but I do know that the garbage that had been festering for a very long time is now being put in its proper place.  Where someone who knows how to maintain it’s horrific smell and can stop it from weakening the foundation of our home.

I have discovered a group of people who come in and help you rebuild yourself after the damage has been done and they lift you up as you start crumbling again.   They encourage you to keep pressing on because you are worth it.  Sometimes God places them strategically because he knows this would bring you to your knees if they were not there. For this I am thankful.

Garbage.  Take it out before it ruins your house too.  Hurry up! What are YOU waiting for?

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to?

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”  -C.S. Lewis

Things that were unknown…but are very real now.

I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism in 3rd grade but the medication never did much for me so I just quit taking it until I became pregnant with Kamiyah and then I was more concerned about her than anything else. The funny thing was, though, that my thyroid problem went away according to all of my blood work so I never thought anything of it. My pregnancy progressed and my baby seemed to not be growing very well and by the time I was 37 weeks she was only 3.5lbs.  Well, she was born and her weight was just barely high enough to fit in her carseat and we went home!

When Kamiyah was about 10 months old we started realizing there was something wrong neurologically and we have no clue what happened. Until yesterday. I found out that I have Hashimoto's Disease and that infertility runs wild with it and usually people who finally do get pregnant their baby will not survive. If the baby does, however, survive their life is put in danger and they will more than likely be born with neurological problems.

This. Explains. My. Whole. Life.

I realized yesterday that my first two kids could not survive because of me and my daughter that is a straight up miracle will forever have to deal with a neurological deficit so rare that the Mayo Clinic cannot even treat her.

My heart is just crushed. How could we have not caught this before it reeked havoc on our family?

I have no clue. We are in the process of caring for Kamiyah and picking up the pieces of the cards we have been dealt.

Perhaps now that we can see our hand in this game of poker we call life we can trade in a few of these bad cards for a few that make our hand a lot more playable. We will get back in the game and we can still win.



"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

Where he shows up...

I have been wanting to post for awhile but time has once again slipped away from me. Imagine huh?  Anyways…

Kamiyah has been falling a lot and we found out some not so good news about what is causing it.  Our friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, businesses, church and just people in the community have stepped up to support our family in this time of unknowns.

The funny part about trials though is that you realize where God shows up.  He is always there.   Sometimes though, it is hard to see him and sometimes when your sadness consumes you it is even hard to feel his presence. You feel like you are suffocating and, when you are finally able to look back, you realize he was just giving you a big bear hug. Sometimes those too can restrict the lungs. :P

Here is the list of places I have seen him over the past few months:

- In the eyes of the people who stepped up to help at Pizza Ranch

- In the hearts of all of the people who donated online and in cash

-I saw him in a complete stranger dressed in a cowboy hat and business suit who walked into Pizza   Ranch with the sole purpose of donating $500 and no one knew who he was before he disappeared.

-In the minds of the businesses who rallied together to make a raffle happen

-On the backs of people who got shirts to show their support

-On the dance floor in the face of an elderly man who loved his wife so much that he put on his best outfit and danced even though the years had gotten the best of him.

-In the souls of people who sent amazing cards and heartfelt letters offering us the help we needed in that moment

-In the eyes of two little girls named Ryah and Presley who love Kamiyah and pick up her as she is falling and tell her it is going to be okay

-In the arms of my husband as we thought the stress of this was going to tear us apart but all we can do is pick up the pieces and find hope

-In the moments that seem to be fleeting and yet stand still just because I got to share them with Kamiyah

-In a pair of bicycles and a bike trailer that causes little girls to giggle

-In baking cookies at 10pm just because she asked and I cannot deny the deliciousness of chocolate


There are many more places I have seen him but those are just to name a few.  One thing I have also realized is that when I felt like I wanted to give up and not love so hard (in fear of losing) was that the only chance my daughter has is if I give all of me.  This song (click here) pretty much explains where I am at.

Thanks for checking in <3 br="" nbsp="">

Pancake lessons of a little girl...

Time sure does fly when you have a fast growing miracle that, just a short while ago, was a figment of your imagination.  I am here to tell you she is real and she is simply amazing.  I have learned many things as a mother that could not have been taught in a classroom or lecture hall, and they could not have been preached on a pulpit.  The only way to learn them is hands on experience and a bit of encouragement from those who have gone before you.

If someone would have told me I was going to be a mom I would have scuffed.  If they told me she would the most beautiful tan I could have ever imagined, I would have ignored them. If they told me she would have epilepsy and would require something more of us I would have said, "We are not good enough for her."  But guess what? I would have been wrong all three times.

Pancakes have taught me many things in the past but this time Baby Pancake has taught me that I am good enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, and faithful enough for her.

Could it really get any better than this?

What has changed in the last two years?!?

How did we go from needing this piece of advice... To feeling like our world is out of control and this post is exactly where it is at?

By the Grace of God. That is how.  Can you believe that our "8 year wait" miracle baby turned 1 year old already?  Unbelievable.

We went from having empty hands and hearts to having a little girl who filled in the blank spaces and added more places where love would just continue to grow.

Go ahead... Idulge in some pictures...You know you want to. Summer is coming up and you will hear plenty more about the upcoming "Pancake" lessons that seem to make their way onto our griddle :)

 While we thought we were teaching her about life she taught us what life is all about...

  

This Christmas season...

Ya know, it is kind of funny how I imagined my life happening.  I pictured a house, a job I enjoyed, no children, no husband, and a BIG HUGE bird. That was what I thought my life would be like and I was sure it would be just perfect.  Then I met Steve, fell in love, lost a daughter, lost a son, lost 200lbs, gained perspective, am in college, and just when we started to build our life without a child, here comes Kamiyah.  Bakannah would be 7 years old now and instead of curling up in the Christmas ball we usually do we have been blessed to share this year with one of the sweetest little girls I have ever met.  I did not get much for gifts, in fact, I got into a car accident, my husband was stolen from and then his car ended up totaled.  Did that stop the joy? nope. Jesus has blessed us with so much more than we could have ever asked for and NOTHING could have taken that away.

 Many great people poured love on us and Kamiyah. I never knew Kamiyah would own Toys-R-Us in one Christmas! From friends giving us clothes, to family helping putting the car back together, to just visiting with people we have not seen in awhile, it was amazing.

This is not how I planned my life and it sure is a good thing God is good at what he does because I like this plan way more than what I had in store for myself. Please read through to the end. Perhaps you will catch a glimpse of the greatness. :~)

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to?

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”  -C.S. Lewis

Changing my path by 1 degree...

I have had to change my path by 1 degree many times.  My path to parenthood, my path to health, my path to college, my path to becoming a wife. Now, however, I am having to change my path yet again.  By 1 degree.

I have mentioned people that have been a blessing to my journey many times before but my journey as of late has given me another group of people that seek after God and have opened their hearts to our family.  Jackie, Dave, Andy, Heather, Eric, Jillian, Ryan, and last but definitely not least Jenni have been placed in our life at just the correct moment to open my eyes to see the awesome things that God has in store for my life.  They have been an amazing support, a lot of fun, but most of all have shown love to the least of these.  This group has pulled us under their wing and pulled us in tighter when the path became rockier than we hoped. Encouraged me as my path needed to change by 1 degree.

What is the 1 degree? I am changing my degree through Augustana College and am majoring in Interdepartmental studies with an emphasis on Education for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, Sign Language Interpreting, and Religion. I can still become certified through NIC but I will do it a little differently than other people. I will do it while still fulfilling my role as a wife and mother.  I am excited for what God has in store for me and my family!

Sometimes the path just needs to change by 1 degree.

From a Nightmare to a Dream Come True...

Last year, right before the Jeremy Camp concert was set to start out at Lifelight, I started bleeding.  The bathrooms were at least 50 people thick and our car was in the middle of a corn field and 150,000 people were piling onto the festival grounds. I told my husband, "I do not think this baby is going to make it.." A young man from KLOVE radio station grabbed up all of our belongings and threw them in the trunk of the car.  My husband drove and prayed and cried out to the Lord the ENTIRE way into town (which took 45 minutes with the traffic jam pouring into the concert).  Jeremy camp was set to start at 9:00pm and we were hooked up to the ultrasound machine at 9:01 and we met our baby for the very first time.  The baby was healthy with a heartbeat of 146bpm!

Not gonna lie, the sound of this little ones heartbeat was the best concert I have ever been to or will ever attend in the future.

Who would have known Kamiyah would be rocking out to the same song that ran on this blog the whole time I was struggling with infertility?!? God did, and he delights in the joy that fills our hearts every time we look at her.

Out of the mouths of babes...

As most of you know, I have some really great friends with some pretty awesome kids and lately, with the arrival of Kamiyah, some pretty adorable things have been said (and sung) to and about her.

A few weeks ago, my buddy Byron said, "Kee-my-uh has a purple paci..... and two feet!" And then just the other day, after we went swimming he sang "Kamiyah my lord" to the tune of Kumbiyah over and over and over. This kid just cracks me up :D

Then yesterday Isaac decided to put his whole family of dolls in their toy car and he said that his mom, his dad, his sister, him AND Kamiyah were all in the car and ready to go.. Check out the picture below. Do you see Kamiyah sitting next to her best friend Karrin? I could not stop laughing :P

Whatever happened to Steve and I?!?

You Are My I Love You.... As Read to Kamiyah.

I love reading to Kamiyah and this was the first book I read to her from my collection from when I was a kid... I hope you enjoy it as much as Kamiyah did...

I am your parent 
      you are my child
I am your quiet place, 
      you are my wild
I am your calm face, 
      you are my giggle
I am your wait, 
      you are my wiggle
I am your audience, 
      you are my clown
I am your London Bridge, 
      you are my falling down
I am your Carrot Sticks, 
      you are my licorice
I am your dandelion, 
      you are my first wish
I am your water wings, 
      you are my deep
I am your open arms, 
      you are my running leap
I am your way home, 
      you are my new path
I am your dry towel, 
      you are my wet bath
I am your dinner 
      you are my chocolate cake
I am your bedtime, 
      you are my wide awake
I am your finish line, 
      you are my race
I am your praying hands, 
      you are my saving grace
I am your favourite book, 
      you are my new lines
I am your nightlight, 
      you are my sunshine
I am your lullaby, 
      you are my peek-a-boo
I am your kiss goodnight, 
      you are my I love you

~Maryann K Cusimano

News from the Griddle...

Kamiyah is getting to be quite the little lady! She is scheduled for surgery to fix her breathing issues and also to repair her eyelid. We will be traveling to Minnesota in July to get her eye taken care of.

On a sad note, our Poodle (Lily) finished her job here on earth and is now gone to take care of Bakannah and Isaiah.  She waited until we got on our feet with Kamiyah and when she realized we had a handle on it she went to lick our other children.  The 'one lick' rule no longer applies to her and she has steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and never gets sick.  We will see her again, just not today.

The Two Tunes of a Baby Girl...

We spent years in the waiting room of an infertility clinic and often we would hear over the intercom a song that symbolized the birth of a baby.. Now, if you dare, imagine how heart wrenching this was to a couple who had no hopes for a child of their own.  Steve and I always imagined that there must be a big red button in the delivery room and we always wanted to hit that button when it was our turn for a blessing.  Well, needless to say our turn came on the 18th of April at 2:47am.. My labor was short and my delivery was drug free.  Just how we had always imagined. When we arrived at the post partum floor I said to my mom, "did they play the song?" the nurses said, "what song?" I said "the new baby song?!?" Needless to say, I told them the above story and they played the song twice. I waited 8 years for that song and my special little girl got it twice for good measure.

We had NO CLUE how truly beautiful our baby would be and how she would change our lives for the better.  Kamiyah Dawn is more than we could have ever asked for.

Such a BIG miracle in such a little girl...

Just Waiting...

The last nine months has flown by so fast that it seems like yesterday I found out I was pregnant with a baby that was said to never be possible.  We continued through the pregnancy with quite a few scares, a bunch of positives, and a few moments of sheer disbelief.  Is this little girl really ours or are we going to wake up soon and realize it was just a dream?!?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, she really is ours and we have woken up quite a few times to prove it. Between her kidney, size, my uterine repair, and her umbilical cord issues the doctor said we would be lucky to get to 35 weeks.  Yet here we sit at 39 weeks and 3 days waiting to meet her.  I know her name, I have a gut wrenching feeling she looks like her papa, and I realize she probably has my attitude (eeep) but yet I still want to see what color her eyes are. How soft her hair is, is it really really curly or is it straight and will change later?  I wanna hear what her voice sounds like, smell her baby toes, and kiss her chunky cheeks.  Am I asking too much again?

The nursery is finished, her car seat is in place, our bags for the hospital are packed, her diaper bag is sitting by the door ready to go, our parrot is at her birdie friends house and my mom and doula are on call waiting to welcome this little lady into the world. For some reason, however, our poodle thinks she is getting replaced, not true, but she is very worried just the same.

We are ready! My body is done being a human incubator and we are simply just waiting...

Come on Baby Pancake, come out and play with your friends/family Karrin and Liam, they have come to the conclusion that it is not so bad out here...

Impossibility..

You know as I sit here and look back at the last nine months it has been nothing short of miraculous and amazing.  From the day we found out about this little girl we call Pancake our world has been changed for the better by the moment.

While I was struggling with infertility there were 4 women who were there for me through the hardest of decisions and have been there through the greatest of moments. I would like to give a BIG thanks to my BZ ladies Jessie, Lorie, Eileen, and Tami... Today, however I was visited by Jessie and her absolutley gorgeous family.  I was given the gift of not only their presence but a book that contained a quote that pretty much wraps up the greatness of this little girl.

"When God is about to do something great, He starts with a difficulty. When He is about to do something truly magnificent, He starts with an impossibility."
                                                                                ~Armin Gesswein

To think, the doctors told us Pancake was an impossibility. Yet, we find out she is nothing short of magnificent.

National Pancake Day...

Well, needless to say, today was awesome.  Baby Pancake had an NST and she slept through the whole thing but she did fine just the same.  We joined some friends for dinner and had some pretty amazing laughs.  As I laid in bed I thought back to all of the years that I had dreamt we would have a baby and what it would feel like to have her in my tummy.  As much as I want my body back I will miss getting to keep her for myself.  I will miss walking around Hobby Lobby aimlessly talking to her and looking like I am talking to myself.  I will miss pushing her baby butt cheeks out of my ribs so I can sit through class and breathe at the same time. I will also miss having an excuse to eat weird things and not get any gruff about it.

Pancake slept most of today away.  She did, however, wake up to let us know that even though she was busy growing, THIS day was still hers.

Take a Moment to Stop and Lick the Beaters...

Whenever I go to make a pineapple upside-down cake one living being in my house becomes the most excited.  Steve is happy because he knows the smell of the cake will  make our home smell awesome. Lily is tickled because she hopes we will accidentally drop crumbs. I enjoy this particular cake because it reminds me of being a kid. Mango, however, surpasses all of us. She makes this certain clucking noise and dances on the counter for 4 reasons: 1) she knows she will get to taste the pineapple juice when all the pineapples have been used  2) she predicts when the cherries are gone she will get a swallow of that juice  3) she understands that she gets to sit on my shoulder and imitate the noise coming from the mixer  4) when all the ingredients have been well blended and the cake is in the oven she knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she gets to lick the beaters...

The happy noises that a bird makes should remind the rest of us to back up, chill out, and enjoy the small things in life... even if the small things are taking a moment to stop and lick the beaters.

A Baby Shower and I am going to miss her...

My baby shower was quite a blessing.  Many many people came out and showed their support and it was a really good time.  Baby Pancake is a lucky lady and the funny thing is she has no clue.

We went to the doctor and she is almost 3lbs!! Pretty soon she will surpass the Lily dog in weight... poor poodle pants.

I have been crying a lot lately because I am going to miss feeling her wiggle and kick after I have her.  I am, however, excited to get my body back and get back to Zumba.

Steve and I have been working with her room and have gotten everything in its proper place.. it is amazing that she is a reality and will be here before we know it!

An update on Baby Pancake...

This little lady has quite the personality! If the belly growing in front of me is not proof enough, her attitude surely shows that she is mine.. :)

I have been watched very closely by a high risk perinatologist and wiggle pants evidently wears a size XXS.  She is not growing like the other babies and is falling behind quickly.  If she does not make progress, they are threatening to deliver her early and this is scaring us a lot because we want her to have the best start she possibly can.

On a lighter note, we have been going to "working out for two classes" and "aqua zumba" and both are helping me keep up my energy levels and reduce quite a few of the other pregnancy symptoms people seem to suffer from.

We are preparing for the baby shower and are super super excited. I have suffered through many baby showers for friends and family members knowing that our kids were not alive and that our prospects for future children was bleak.  I brought gifts, cried in the baby aisles at the store, cried internally and sometimes externally once arriving to the party.  I will probably cry at our as well but not in sadness but rather tears of joy and disbelief that it is finally our turn for a little one.

We have been plugging away at the nursery and my friend Katie and I painted the letters for her room! However we will not be hanging them until she is born because we do not want any accidents of what her name is to leak into the public.

Funny how the letters "AKA" are in the name Pancake... Perhaps she will have to keep the name?

Pregnancy brain and other random things....

I have heard of pregnancy brain but I had NO clue how badly it can mess a person up.  I am slower to respond, I forget where I am going and what I am doing, I trip over my own feet (literally), I sniff things (more than once) that should not be smelled let alone repeatedly, and I walk into movies that are half way over and then cannot figure out why the movie was of poor quality and had no previews until 24 hours later. Ridiculous.

On a different note, I was in Zumba today, wearing my new clothes, and a lady walked up to me and said, "did you swallow a basketball?!?" and in response I said, "yep, you should try it they are delicious..mmm, orange rubber." Another lady said, "it is so nice to see your belly."  It feels so good knowing that other people can tell I am pregnant and not just chubby...

I have gotten so much accomplished over this Christmas break and I am feeling really good about it. I got my car fixed ($890), I got Pancakes medical bills dealt with and straightened out, cleaned my house, washed the car, looked at shelving units for the nursery, bought some maternity clothes, and spent time with my friends.

I joined a "Working out for Two" class and I think it is the best thing since sliced bread. The water takes the pressure off of my bladder and makes my joints feel so good, all while exercising!! Baby Pancake liked it too because she spent most of her time practicing her back stroke in my tummy...

Goofy little girl. *she gets it from her father* :~}

21 weeks and 3 days....

Wow!! It has been crazy how time has flown by.  We saw Baby Pancake today and she never ceases to amaze us.  She is super healthy and very mischievous.  After 17 times of repositioning the doppler and 4 reapplications of gel, the little turkey held still for 2 minutes of heart tones and then she dove away from the doppler and the poor tech gave up. The tech said, "you guys are in for the long haul.." and in response we said, "we cannot wait!!"

I have had A LOT of trouble with my bladder and back and my husband has been dealing with everything so well. I told him the other day how sorry I was that he had to put up with this and he said in reply, "I did not marry your bladder I married you for you."

I feel so blessed to get to be with my husband and even more blessed that I get to carry our daughter.

Below is a picture of her wearing herself out to the point of a big yawn and then she continued on with her stunts to make the ultrasound tech run for her money... Not going to lie, I was snickering inside... he he he :)

Now if only school were out I could start joining in on the Christmas festivities...

How today was so amazing...

I finally got to feel the baby moving! We went in for them to run the doppler and find the heartbeat and Pancake decided to do somersaults and throw a few kicks and punches.  We were laughing so hard that the tech could barely focus.  Pancake loves to wiggle!

The next great thing was that I went back to Zumba and it sparked the fire in me that I thought was starting to dwindle.  I am so ecstatic to be a part of a class that has three pregnant ladies and a pregnant instructor!! God knew what he was doing when he was making us wait. He was thinking, "I know you want a child but I bet you would enjoy it that much more if you got to share it with your best friend AND Zumba instructor." It is crazy how God knows me better than I could EVER know myself.

I am excited for this week because we have a baby shower to go to (which I used to dread), we have a second trimester pregnancy class, and then this weekend we have the Marriage Conference that effects and saves so many marriages and I just love to watch God save what I believe is most important and sacred in life. 

Then on Sunday it is my 26th birthday! I will be celebrating with my wonderful husband and then the next morning we find out what our baby's sex is.  My grandmother and I will be baking a cake and then on tuesday we have Pancakes "coming out" party.  This week is nothing short of 100% fantastic.

Nothing makes me happier than getting to share my life with the people around me.  I am sure that is why God has placed so many amazing people in our lives and continues to bless us with what we need instead of what we want.

Maternity Pants and a Grandpa for Pancake...

Maternity Pants

I would like to yack about what I think of maternity pants.  I LOVE them.  They are comfortable and easy to get on and off 500 times a day especially when your baby is sitting and jumping on your bladder. When you go to The Motherhood Maternity store however they must know I like them because they crank the price up on them. $80 for a pair of pants you are going to where for 6 months at the most? I think not.  I ended up at Kohls and got a pair of "Oh Baby" maternity pants for $32 (still ridiculous if you ask me).  I am desperate, however, and the maternity industry knows you will eventually cave and pay the outlandish price simply because streaking is not socially appropriate, or comfortable in 20 degree weather. Awesome.

 A Grandpa for Pancake

Where can I find one? One that will make him/her dress up as a penguin and march in the parade at Christmas time? One that gives them useless trinkets and teaches them how to fake something is nice even though it will be add to the landfill once grandpa is no longer in the field of vision? Or maybe one that charges a quarter to play with his belly button.  One that if you get to close while he is sleeping will make a funny noise and kiss you because he knew you were coming.  These are all of the things I had and I wish Pancake would get to experience these things too.  A grandpa that will fix everything and never buy it new.  A papa who will take you out on the boat and teach you how to hang on for dear life to the innertube he is pulling behind the boat at ridiculous speeds.  How about one that will love his/her grandma until the end of time.  Or one that you know good and well you walk like, and look like when you are sleeping.  Or a grandma that is dedicated to making many memories while we still have the chance. Who shows up to every concert, ball game, and event you can imagine even if they were just released from the hospital hours before.  A gramma that mails Christmas cookies in a cake box wrapped in moving tape just so you had a taste of  home even if you were not going to be there. Or makes sure your penguin suit was covered in lights so you would not get hit by cars in the dark when you were trailing behind grandpa.  How about a house that would make you smell like cake even if it was not being baked when you were there?

Am I asking too much? Perhaps I had all of these things because I was truly blessed.  Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for giving me something to tell Pancake about and show him/her how wonderful life truly can be.