Just Making Pancakes

Just Making Pancakes

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Things that were unknown…but are very real now.

I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism in 3rd grade but the medication never did much for me so I just quit taking it until I became pregnant with Kamiyah and then I was more concerned about her than anything else. The funny thing was, though, that my thyroid problem went away according to all of my blood work so I never thought anything of it. My pregnancy progressed and my baby seemed to not be growing very well and by the time I was 37 weeks she was only 3.5lbs.  Well, she was born and her weight was just barely high enough to fit in her carseat and we went home!

When Kamiyah was about 10 months old we started realizing there was something wrong neurologically and we have no clue what happened. Until yesterday. I found out that I have Hashimoto's Disease and that infertility runs wild with it and usually people who finally do get pregnant their baby will not survive. If the baby does, however, survive their life is put in danger and they will more than likely be born with neurological problems.

This. Explains. My. Whole. Life.

I realized yesterday that my first two kids could not survive because of me and my daughter that is a straight up miracle will forever have to deal with a neurological deficit so rare that the Mayo Clinic cannot even treat her.

My heart is just crushed. How could we have not caught this before it reeked havoc on our family?

I have no clue. We are in the process of caring for Kamiyah and picking up the pieces of the cards we have been dealt.

Perhaps now that we can see our hand in this game of poker we call life we can trade in a few of these bad cards for a few that make our hand a lot more playable. We will get back in the game and we can still win.



"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28




Saturday, July 5, 2014

Where he shows up...

I have been wanting to post for awhile but time has once again slipped away from me. Imagine huh?  Anyways…

Kamiyah has been falling a lot and we found out some not so good news about what is causing it.  Our friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, businesses, church and just people in the community have stepped up to support our family in this time of unknowns.

The funny part about trials though is that you realize where God shows up.  He is always there.   Sometimes though, it is hard to see him and sometimes when your sadness consumes you it is even hard to feel his presence. You feel like you are suffocating and, when you are finally able to look back, you realize he was just giving you a big bear hug. Sometimes those too can restrict the lungs. :P

Here is the list of places I have seen him over the past few months:

- In the eyes of the people who stepped up to help at Pizza Ranch

- In the hearts of all of the people who donated online and in cash

-I saw him in a complete stranger dressed in a cowboy hat and business suit who walked into Pizza   Ranch with the sole purpose of donating $500 and no one knew who he was before he disappeared.

-In the minds of the businesses who rallied together to make a raffle happen

-On the backs of people who got shirts to show their support

-On the dance floor in the face of an elderly man who loved his wife so much that he put on his best outfit and danced even though the years had gotten the best of him.

-In the souls of people who sent amazing cards and heartfelt letters offering us the help we needed in that moment

-In the eyes of two little girls named Ryah and Presley who love Kamiyah and pick up her as she is falling and tell her it is going to be okay

-In the arms of my husband as we thought the stress of this was going to tear us apart but all we can do is pick up the pieces and find hope

-In the moments that seem to be fleeting and yet stand still just because I got to share them with Kamiyah

-In a pair of bicycles and a bike trailer that causes little girls to giggle

-In baking cookies at 10pm just because she asked and I cannot deny the deliciousness of chocolate


There are many more places I have seen him but those are just to name a few.  One thing I have also realized is that when I felt like I wanted to give up and not love so hard (in fear of losing) was that the only chance my daughter has is if I give all of me.  This song (click here) pretty much explains where I am at.

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