Just Making Pancakes

Just Making Pancakes

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I met my sister for the first time and my husband reset the game...

I was at my grandmother's house this evening when all of the sudden my dad's daughter (Desiree) showed up to pick up her dress that my grandma had altered for her. We have never had time to talk to each other because her mom hates me and I have not had much to do with my dad so us getting to know each other never ever happened.. oddly enough we have a bit in common and I got to actually see how gorgeous of a person she is and how much of our lives we did NOT get to share. What an amazing woman and I am glad to get to call her MY sister!!

My husband called me up and asked me out on a date, so we went bowling.. Well, I am not so good at this game because of a thumb injury a few years back and have a hard time controlling the ball. Q:Why did I marry Steven? A: Because he knows me better than I know myself. He talked to the guy behind the desk and asked him to put up the bumpers and find me a lighter ball, while I was already mucking up the game by bowling with an 11 lb ball and no bumpers.. so this guy comes down and fixes the game so I have a fighting chance and then Steve said something to that guy and all of the sudden the game was reset and I had a fresh start, even though we had made wagers on what prize the winner gets, and if i won the prize was not in his favor...
Q: Who won the game? do you dare ask?
A: Me of course!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I know, I know it has been waaaaayyy too long....

Well, we got a bit of a kick in the face. I found out I have premature ovarian failure and we have 6 months (a year if we are incredibly lucky) to get pregnant before I nose dive into menopause.. With that said we were told to get pregnant as fast as we could and to help with the situation we started new fertility drugs. The one thing that has been hard is the choice to continue this with no guaranteed results and a whole lot of money being spent with nothing to show for it.. scary and heart wrenching all at the same time. Not to be selfish, but out of everyone I know I feel like we deserve a child the most. I know that sounds awful but we have been through sooooo much and worked sooooo hard and I feel like EVERYONE but us gets blessed with a family. We lost our first child long before any of our friends even knew their significant other and yet we still are being left behind..

Even at Lifelight it was slammed in my face, one of the artists had not even been married for a year and their first child is due in 4 weeks.. I almost wanted to barf!! That just ticks me off..

Ok, I am done venting. My anger is why I have not blogged in awhile, I do not want to drag everyone down with my frustration but sometimes I just need somewhere to go that I do not have to listen to any cliches in an attempt to make me feel better..anyone who has suffered with infertility knows what I am talking about, "everything happens for a reason", "in God's time", "maybe you should purchase (adopt) a kid", etc...

Sometimes I just need someone to listen and possibly give me a hug, is that too much too ask?