I would like to discuss chocolate....

I am officially eleven weeks and 2 days pregnant and am only five days away from my first trimester being completely finished!!

That being said I have a new found problem with chocolate.  Chocolate has never been one of those things were I would be like eww gross give me something different anything BUT chocolate.  If, however, there was something lemon I would probably choose it over something chocolate hands down.  Pancake has however decided that chocolate is ridiculously decadent and must be eaten if in the line of vision.  This problem came to my awareness when chocolate chip muffins were brought to my interpreting class and I had already eaten breakfast so I took one and saved it for later.  I am usually one to say I am not hungry and let it sit.  No no no, not this time, I carefully wrapped it in napkins and put it in my lunch pail so that I could indulge in it later.  I even went as far as to tell my husband when he got in my car, "do NOT touch my lunch box or you will squish my muffin.. and pancake will go Kung Fu baby on you."  This is a problem, I am highly concerned about how much weight I will gain in this pregnancy and chocolate is going to be the death of me.  I would like to say I did cut that muffin in half and ate on two different days, but still I am worried this could cause trouble.

It sure is a good thing I got the "okay" to go back to ZUMBA this week because you never know where chocolate may become available.  :~)

And as a side note if you did not get to see the video of pancake on facebook you are more than welcome to click here... one of the voices in the background was my momma as she got the opportunity to join us and witness this miracle.

It is the little things that matter the most...

I have gone back to Augustana for classes and it has been a REALLY great distraction and is helping time fly by.  However, because of my iron deficiency and Pancake wearing me out, I have found that all the little things that people do for me make such a MASSIVE difference in my daily routine.

For example, one of my teachers pretended that my squash was hers and heated it up in the teachers lounge for me. Totally awesome! My other teachers have been supportive as well.  My husband brings me water when I am spending time tossing cookies in the middle of the night and has done more than his fair share of the chores and babysitting of friends children.  I am not so sure all of the above things would have been so utterly fantastic if it were not for the fact that I truly needed the help. 

I sure hope my friends and family know how much they mean to me and how great they honestly are... I am glad all of these people will get to be a part a of pancakes life :D

 

Why everything does NOT happen FOR a reason...

God does not have things happen for a reason he makes thing happen so WE can choose for them to have purpose.  For example, God does not have a guy get drunk and then have them get behind the wheel of a car and then kill someone else's child.  He would NEVER EVER do that.  Just the same as he did not make us suffer with infertility to make us miserable and he did not take my first two babies die so that we would become angry with him.  He did it to have two things happen: for OUR growth and for other's GAIN.  We chose to make our marriage stronger, we chose to love our babies harder, and we decided to not take any of the above for granted.  We GREW and when we tell our story other people GAIN. 

Our babies died (that was bad)

we learned what kind of parents we want to be (that was good)

we could not have more children (that was bad)

we spoke about our story and inspired people (that was good)

I had complication from the gastric bypass (that was bad)

I could be living proof that the surgery can be successful (that was good)

I motivated others to become healthy (that was good)

All of the above were not done for a reason but I made them have purpose.  I could have easily chosen to not make the best of the gastric bypass (that would be bad) and not have lost the weight (that would have been awful) and therefore no one would have been inspired to become healthy (even worse).  But I made the best of a rough situation (that was good).  Poeple can now see it IS possible to change your life (this is good).

Are you getting my point?!? Never use the cliche on me "everything happens for a reason", because God only has good things planned for those who love him. 

Right now I cannot see his plan but one day I will understand why he did the things he did (this will be good). I can make the situation have purpose even though I do not know his plans. 

My first pregnancy class...

I went to the pregnancy class called "first trimester" and it blows my mind how people can be so oblivious to the fact that all of this can change in a matter of moments.  One husband said, "i cannot understand why she will not fix me dinner?"  It took all the self control I had to not scream, "ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME?!?!"  One mom said, "maybe I should quit smoking (at twelve weeks)."  I had to manually hold my jaw up because the muscles had given up due to shock.

Here I am sitting there thinking perhaps I am not taking enough iron.  Worrying about the subchorionic hematoma.  Did I over do it today by carrying my backpack to class?  All of the above things are what was running through my mind and I was also hoping and praying I get to join the next class called "second trimester."

I find it to be weird to always be in the complete opposite shoes of everyone else.  One time, just one time I would like to not be the odd man out.

"Welcome to the other side..."

I went in for my ultrasound (non-emergency) today and everything the doctor said could have been my quote of the day because he said a lot of amazing things! In order to speed things up I will list all of the quotes below:

The first he shouted when he came in the room:  "ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS"


"If anyone deserves a baby it is you two.."


"Baby is measuring three days ahead of schedule.."


"This is the most perfect baby.."


"Your wife deserves lots of breakfast in bed.."


"I cannot believe it.."


"The Hematoma is gone!"


"Today is the day of miracles in my office because I had another couple who have been through a lot as well and their baby is healthy too.."


"This is great because once you see the heartbeat miscarriage rate drops from 50% to 4%"


"We will be doing ultrasounds every week for the next 7 weeks.."

My very favorite thing he said was "You guys have waited for eight years for this miracle and I am so excited to get to be a part of this babies care and welcome to the other side..."


Explanation of the chosen nickname
We have chosen "Pancake" because all of the major lessons we have learned came from or were involving pancakes.  If you have not heard the story of pancakes you can click HERE and will bring you back to an explanation of the name of my blog and now the name of our unborn child.  Pancakes represents the lessons we have learned in the past, what we want to be in the present and of the things that are yet to come.  This baby is a testimony to our journey as a couple and as living proof that there is something so much greater than ourselves and he is busy performing miracles everyday.

I am just making a baby pancake.

The Good, The Bad, The Scary...

The Good
We attended Lifelight and had a blast.  We hung out with our friends, walked through the vendors, worked at "The Weekend to Remember" booth, and got inspired by different speakers, and felt the presence of God amongst a crowd of 300,000 people. 

In the Bible it says, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20   Take that times 100,000 and you can only imagine how unreal it feels. 

We walked past the alpha center booth years past and saw the displays of how big babies were at different gestational stages and our hearts hurt. This year, however, we walked past and tried to find where our baby was and could only celebrate the miracle that is unfolding right before us.

The Bad
We were waiting for the Jeremy Camp concert to start and I realized I was bleeding. We were in the middle of nowhere and the porta-potties were at least 20 people deep waiting in line. A young man from K-Love helped my husband throw everything together and got our car so we could go to the emergency room.  We were praying so hard as we were stuck in the thick traffic that ensues before a major headliner and we were crying because we were not sure what we would do if we were to lose another baby.

The Scary
We made it to the emergency room and the bleeding had quit and they got us back right away and the ultrasound tech rushed me to where the do the ultrasounds and the moment our baby came up on the doppler we knew it was alive.  The tech said, "do you see that flicker right there? that is your babies heartbeat." She then turned up the volume and the most beautiful sound fill the room, "whoo whoo whoo whoo." Our babies heart was beating at the rate of 143.42 bpm and my husband squealed in delight and tears streamed down his face as he said "oh thank you Lord!" 

It turns out what had happened was I had a hematoma about an inch below the baby and it was just a small collection of blood.  The doctor said 3 out of 10 women have this happen and they go on to have healthy babies.  There is no explanation or anything we could have done, or not done, to prevent this from happening.  I am not in any pain and the bleeding completely quit. 

We heard some pretty great music played by Tenth Avenue North on Saturday night but the MOST beautiful music was the show our baby put on for us on Sunday.