I know, I know it has been waaaaayyy too long....

Well, we got a bit of a kick in the face. I found out I have premature ovarian failure and we have 6 months (a year if we are incredibly lucky) to get pregnant before I nose dive into menopause.. With that said we were told to get pregnant as fast as we could and to help with the situation we started new fertility drugs. The one thing that has been hard is the choice to continue this with no guaranteed results and a whole lot of money being spent with nothing to show for it.. scary and heart wrenching all at the same time. Not to be selfish, but out of everyone I know I feel like we deserve a child the most. I know that sounds awful but we have been through sooooo much and worked sooooo hard and I feel like EVERYONE but us gets blessed with a family. We lost our first child long before any of our friends even knew their significant other and yet we still are being left behind..

Even at Lifelight it was slammed in my face, one of the artists had not even been married for a year and their first child is due in 4 weeks.. I almost wanted to barf!! That just ticks me off..

Ok, I am done venting. My anger is why I have not blogged in awhile, I do not want to drag everyone down with my frustration but sometimes I just need somewhere to go that I do not have to listen to any cliches in an attempt to make me feel better..anyone who has suffered with infertility knows what I am talking about, "everything happens for a reason", "in God's time", "maybe you should purchase (adopt) a kid", etc...

Sometimes I just need someone to listen and possibly give me a hug, is that too much too ask?