Clearing the air....

In the past I have posted things on my facebook such as, "I went to Sanford and wanted to trip all the pregnant ladies.."  I did not post them however to come across as a horrible person or even that I would ACTUALLY do it.  I took for granted that my friends on facebook would know me or my situation and would understand that I was just expressing my pain of infertility in a relatively sarcastic manner. That is was a joke.  I am not a selfish person, I have just been through a lot and have a sideways way of expressing my hurt.  I get really angry and upset when I am walking out of a restaurant or store and there is a pregnant lady standing there smoking cigarettes or when I am in the elevator at Sanford and there is a pregnant mother complaining that she is pregnant and how the baby is not the sex they wanted.  I posted sarcastic comments after witnessing such events and knowing that having a child, for us, may never happen.

We looked into many adoption agencies and foster care agencies and after being denied twice and being drug through the mud I posted on facebook that I was excited to tell the foster care agency that we will be taking their classes at a later date due to the fact that we need to focus on THIS VERY HIGH RISK pregnancy right now.  That does not mean sometime in the future after I graduate and buy a bigger home that we will not EVER take in a foster child.  We will and we may also decide to just adopt.

I do not feel like I am selfish for putting this on hold nor making this decision for my family.  I am also not selfish for dreaming of setting up a nursery, feeling my baby kick, having a baby shower, wondering about what my baby will look like, or hoping that my child will have my husbands heart for caring about people instead of his toes and my ability to dance and sing rather than his ability to romp around the room looking like something from the book "Where the Wild Things Are.." 

All of the above are normal dreams and aspirations that any normal woman would have for their child, and if that is selfish than so be it.  At least I am not alone in the world. 

People can either be happy for us and celebrate our miracle or step aside and miss out on the great things that God has in store for the Erickson family because, as far as I can tell, this could turn out nothing short of simply incredible.