I went off of the fertility drugs for a month and it caused my period to be late. This is sooooooooooo frustrating because it gives me hope that I may be pregnant. Well that hope was sucked down the drain when it hit me yesterday like a Mack truck. Do you know what day yesterday was? Isaiah's birthday no doubt.
I am so tired. I am sad. I am discouraged. I am also sick of year after year passing watching everyone else's grow and thrive and be beautiful while mine are dead and there is no hope for us to have that.
Why would God instill motherhood in my heart if he will not allow me to have it? I think it is a cruel joke and he is sitting up there on his thrown and laughing at my misery. I wish there was two worlds, one for people WITH children and one for people WITHOUT children. If you get pregnant you automatically get thrown into the world WITH children so it does not torture those WITHOUT.
On a lighter note we picked out our new furniture and it is going to be delivered on friday and the person buying our old furniture is getting theirs on thursday.... We are pretty excited!!
The REALLY lame part of all of this is that furniture buying is exciting because our life sucks. The lady at the furniture said, "would you guys like the fabric protector just in case your kids spill on it and it does not come out we will replace your furniture?" I broke down in tears and collapsed into Steve's arms in the middle of the furniture store. Steve replied, "we would like the fabric protector for our bird and poodle, thanks.."
I am thankful for my husband, he is such a strong man and he loves me with his whole heart. He makes me feel special and important when I feel like my body is useless. He make me feel smart when Augustana kicks my butt and I feel dumb.
Why does a sap like me deserve such a person to share her life with?!?!? I have no clue.
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